Hate is fueled by love.

... totally lost for words.

Wed, 14 May 2008 12:46:16 GMT

Results, suck.

And today we didn't get all the papers back yet. At this rate, i swear i'm gna retain. AGAIN.

~~Fuck it.~~

And to top this all off, i'm sick, again.

I just wna end my life. So much easier.

i don't care who's right or wrong,
i just don't love you no more.

Tue, 13 May 2008 14:41:13 GMT

YES MY MUSIC ON MY COMP IS FINALLY BACK!

*cheers*

~~RESULTS ARE TOMORROW. ):~~

i'm scaaaaaaared.

IRONMAN is the best show in the universe!
and thanks iqbal for treating me dinner :D

i'm lost.

Mon, 12 May 2008 11:57:12 GMT

ECP is coool.

There's this weird sculpture thingy done by the Mediacorp people on the beach. It's really cool.

Walked from ECP macs ALLL the way to Big Splash. :D

just to visit... JP! (jp touched right! :D)

We should go ECP more oftennnn.

I <3 the wind there.

hate/love.

I hate life, because there's no you.

Sun, 11 May 2008 11:48:43 GMT

Geeez.
I just realised i want ALOT of things.
Zomg?

WANT!
-Macbook
-Ipod touch
-Polaroid
-Clothes
-Clothes
- ... Did i mention clothes? (:

HAVE!
- Nothing.

Paying for...
-Polaroid ( Alicia's friend, Shumin[?]'s one (: )
-Online shopping ( $200 plus worth of stuff)

and i owe people money, like wow.

~~Life sucks so bad.~~

Bestfriend, i need you. ):

Sat, 10 May 2008 16:27:15 GMT

I don't understand.

Why, after all this time...

Why am i still crying because of you?

Sun, 04 May 2008 12:34:25 GMT

Online shopping's actually quite cool. :D
It's so much easier to get stuff online, and you don't need to squish and search the whole world to find what you want.
:D
Yay for online shopping. (:

i'm sorry.

Sat, 03 May 2008 16:38:53 GMT

i understand now.
why people around me prefer to be single...
i understand their reasons.

it's so much easier to be single than to love.
maybe, immunity to love is the best.
then we wouldn't go through so much problems.
falling in and out of love,
sometimes can hurt us alot.

but now,
even as i choose to stay single,
i'm not at peace.
i still have so much problems, so much trouble.
i don't know what to do anymore.

i'm still hanging on,
because i fear you'll do something foolish.
something that would make me regret,
and be guilty for life.
i don't want that.
all i want is peace, to be alone.
for a very, very long time.

i don't want to be troubled by love anymore.
i'm sick of it.
i see it everywhere around me,
and i'm disgusted by it.
it comes in so many forms,
but when its true colors show,
it's not pleasing.
i'm so sick of love...
i don't want to love anymore.

i want to hide away from love,
become immune to love.
lock it up forever, so that it'll never come torture me again.
but for now,
i'll have to deal with it.
the best way that i possibly can.

if i can.

Fri, 02 May 2008 13:44:55 GMT

Exams suck, really. So annoying, so stressing. Pffft.

Studied, or rather tried to, at Starbucks today.

i'm worried about you.
please take care of yourself,
don't do anything that you'll regret...
it's just time for me to be single right now...
to think everything out.
i'm sorry if i'd hurt you,
i didn't mean to.
please take care.

Thu, 01 May 2008 16:54:09 GMT

At first i couldn't stop the tears,
and i thought i never would stop.

I was wrong.

Then i thought i couldn't cry anymore.
but as that lone tear slid down,

I knew i was wrong again.

Thu, 01 May 2008 11:35:47 GMT

Because of you,

I have no more tears left to cry..

I've never felt so helpless in my life..

Help me...

Updating, Finally.

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 13:56:00 GMT

I wanna spend the rest of my life;

Nat and the others all got confirmed... (:

Reiko's very fantabulous birthday. (: Belated post. :D Don't kill me.
ZOMG.
Starbucks(:

Lovebirds.

It's going round again.

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 12:55:45 GMT

I'm lazy to update.
Yay.

Read.

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 23:26:33 GMT

-Author Unknown.

Dear Patrick,

I was then an only child who had everything I could ever want. But even a pretty, spoiled and rich kid could get lonely once in a while so when Mom told me that she was pregnant, I was ecstatic. I imagined how wonderful you would be and how we'd always be together and how much you would look like me. So, when you were born, I looked at your tiny hands and feet and marveled at how beautiful you were.

We took you home and I showed you proudly to my friends. They would touch you and sometimes pinch you, but you never reacted. When you were five months old, some things began to bother Mom. You seemed so unmoving and numb, and your cry sounded odd --- almost like a kitten's. So we brought you to many doctors.

The thirteenth doctor who looked at you quietly said you have the "cry du chat" (pronounced Kree-do-sha) syndrome, "cry of the cat" in French.

When I asked what that meant, he looked at me with pity and softly said, "Your brother will never walk nor talk." The doctor told us that it is a condition that afflicts one in 50,000 babies, rendering victims severely retarded. Mom was shocked and I was furious. I thought it was unfair.

When we went home, Mom took you in her arms and cried. I looked at you and realized that word will get around that you're not normal. So to hold on to my popularity, I did the unthinkable ... I disowned you. Mom and Dad didn't know but I steeled myself not to love you as you grew. Mom and Dad showered you love and attention and that made me bitter. And as the years passed, that bitterness turned to anger, and then hate.

Mom never gave up on you. She knew she had to do it for your sake.

Everytime she put your toys down, you'd roll instead of crawl. I watched her heart break every time she took away your toys and strapped your tummy with foam so you couldn't roll. You struggle and you're cry in that pitiful way, the cry of the kitten. But she still didn't give up.

And then one day, you defied what all your doctors said -- you crawled.

When mom saw this, she knew you would eventually walk. So when you were still crawling at age four, she'd put you on the grass with only your diapers on knowing that you hate the feel of the grass on your skin.

Then she'd leave you there. I would sometimes watch from the windows and smile at your discomfort. You would crawl to the sidewalk and Mom would put you back. Again and again, Mom repeated this on the lawn. Until one day, Mom saw you pull yourself up and toddle off the grass as fast as your little legs could carry you.

Laughing and crying, she shouted for Dad and I to come. Dad hugged you crying openly.

I watched from my bedroom window this heartbreaking scene.

Over the years, Mom taught you to speak, read and write. From then on, I would sometime see you walk outside, smell the flowers, marvel at the birds, or just smile at no one. I began to see the beauty of the world through your eyes. It was then that I realized that you were my brother and no matter how much I tried to hate you, I couldn't, because I had grown to love you.

During the next few days, we again became acquainted with each other. I would buy you toys and give you all the love that a sister could ever give to her brother. And you would reward me by smiling and hugging me.

But I guess, you were never really meant for us. On your tenth birthday, you felt severe headaches. The doctor's diagnosis --leukemia. Mom gasped and Dad held her, while I fought hard to keep my tears from falling. At that moment, I loved you all the more. I couldn't even bear to leave your side. Then the doctors told us that your only hope is to have a bonemarrow transplant. You became the subject of a nationwide donor search. When at last we found the right match, you were too sick, and the doctor reluctantly ruled out the operations. Since then, you underwent chemotherapy and radiation.

Even at the end, you continued to pursue life. Just a month before you died, you made me draw up a list of things you wanted to do when you got out of the hospital. Two days after the list was completed, you asked the doctors to send you home. There, we ate ice cream and cake, run across the grass, flew kites, went fishing, took pictures of one another and let the balloons fly. I remember the last conversation that we had. You said that if you die, and if I need of help, I could send you a note to heaven by tying it on the string of any balloon and letting it fly. When you said this, I started crying. Then you hugged me. Then again, for the last time, you got sick.

That last night, you asked for water, a back rub, a cuddle. Finally, you went into seizure with tears streaming down your face. Later, at the hospital, you struggled to talk but the words wouldn't come. I know what you wanted to say. "Hear you," I whispered. And for the last time, I said, "I'll always love and I will never forget you. Don't be afraid. You'll soon be with God in heaven." Then, with my tears flowing freely, I watched the bravest boy I had ever known finally stop breathing. Dad, Mom and I cried until I felt as if there were no more tears left. Patrick was finally gone, leaving us behind.

From then on, you were my source of inspiration. You showed me how to love life and live to the fullest. With your simplicity and honesty, you showed me a world full of love and caring. And you made me realize that the most important thing in this life is to continue loving without asking why or how and without setting any limit.

Thank you, my little brother, for all these.

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 15:06:55 GMT

HAP HAP HAPPY BIRTHDAY REIKO!

YOU'RE SEVENTEEEEEEN! :D

LOVE.

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 15:23:49 GMT

Went to VJC music fest today. Really nice, really.

Got NUM discounts. :D

Love, Loving, Loved.

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 15:29:00 GMT

NC16 for a reason. :D

BIRTHDAY! :D

(tricia never see food before)

Aw. how sweet.

TRAUMATISING OKAY OMG.

Rabbits?

Don't ask me what Reiko's doing. I don't know either.

TWIN!

Nat, the pout don't work for you. (:

*psst* they're "worst" enemies.

HOT!

Photographer for the evening, yours truly.

I was so hungry, i ate the cup.

camwhores i swear.

FEVER.

POON!

STARBUCKS REGULARRR.

Mr teddy learnt to use a phone.

Ya lah Nat. Style lah.

You fucking bastard, you don't deserve her. You never did.

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 14:26:25 GMT

THANKS FOR THE BIRTHDAY WISHES EVERYONE!

DEEPLY APPRECIATED. :D

Went out with Arielle, Lynette, Reiko, Natalie, Tricia, Eunice, and Sarah for dinner last night. SEOUL GARDEN! Pierced second earhole with Arielle before that. I've forgotten the pain man. Tsk. Ate from 530 till about 9. Starbucks it was, and we camwhored. Or rather, the rest camwhored with my camera. :D Haha. Oh well. Pictures up SOON. (:

Out with love today. (: CHOCOLATE OVERLOAD. Oh, go watch Three Kingdoms. Quite nice. Oh wait. IT'S NC16 :D

LOVE BEING 16.

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 06:18:21 GMT

NC16 MOVIES,
HERE I COME!

:D

Sigh.

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 13:57:13 GMT

The penknife just keeps getting closer, and closer.
It's so tempting.
Because of the way you hurt me.

Stay Close, Don't Go.

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 14:37:56 GMT

Went out with Alicia and Eunice the day after the concert. (: Went to some HotPot Culture place at Marina Square. But i must say their food is quite nice. Yum. Took lots and lots and lots and lots of pictures. Yay.

Loving you is all I wanna do.

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:11:56 GMT

CONCERT!

Ohmygod it rocked okay. It was great. Everyone was hyped up for the performance, and it passed us by in a flash. Quick as lightning, the whole thing was over. But everyone had lots of fun anyway. (:

You: Thanks for coming, i appreciate it love.

You: Thanks for actually coming, i'm honoured. (not) But thanks. :D

~~You: Thanks for coming, then telling me that it was a waste of time. Some way to support your daughter.~~

Love.

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 15:29:04 GMT

Caution: Cape Does NOT Enable User To Fly.

MISS LITERATURE TEACHER GOT APRIL FOOLED BY SEC 4/8!

Most hilarious thing EVER.
April's fool day was today. Loads of lame shit came up and all that. Hilarious.
Went over to Clarence's house to stone since i didn't feel like going home and i didn't feel like going out either. Ended up watching everything that came on TV, including BRING IT ON: ALL OR NOTHING. So cool. I like! I wanna dance like that(like that's humanly possible for a person like me). Oh well. :D

Psychedelic love.

Some things never change.

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 12:57:08 GMT

Even after all the times that we've been through the hardships, i thank God for you.

Voices in my head.

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 14:26:13 GMT

Everyone has to fall sometime, now's your time.

Cool. I just installed the safari thing on my comp. But then it's a bit SLOW. Oh well i'll get used to it eventually i guess. Hah. School was lame shit today. I swear Michelle Peh is a freaking LAME JOKE MACHINE. She comes to school every single freaking DAY and tells us some weird retarded joke that'll have us rolling around on the floor in laughter. Oh well. Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetard. :D

You know iloveyou. (:

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 14:27:32 GMT

You're my favourite dream and my worst nightmare.

Jaslynn said this: "Love is sweet, but it comes with a price."

How true can that be. I'm not saying anything much, but maybe you guys might want to leave my livejournal now as there's gonna be a long long post up ahead, and it's going to be 1) a emo post, and 2) full of crap.

Love is something that everyone treasures or wants. but sometimes, it isn't always just happiness and fun. there can be the emo times, the fights, the tears, and everything else. then the love is challenged by a third party, and so on and so forth. this isn't saying anyone in particular, but i just feel like letting it all out.
There's this prayer in the hymn book. it speaks about love, saying that love is never selfish, love is never jealous, so on and so forth. it made love seem like the most angelic thing in the world. but it doesn't seem so to me. i see the most perfect of couples, screaming at each other in public. i see the guys, showing their attitudes to their girls. i see so many things that happen to couples everywhere, and yet, we all still believe in love.
Some say, that love will overcome everything. i believe in that. but sometimes, love hits a block in the road, and it can choose a few ways to get through. barrel their way through, together, or split and go around the block, eventually coming back together. there's the third option, where they split and go their own ways, never to join together again unless they see each other at a cross junction at some point in time. then again, at the cross junction they could choose to ignore, and go their seperate ways once again, or they could come together and walk down the same path, reunited with one another, by love.
What IS love? ask the cynics, they'll say that it's all crap, that you shouldn't go believing in such things called love. ask the believers, they'll say that it's the best thing in the world. ask the neutral parties, they'll tell you that it's up to you, whether you want to believe in it or not. either way, all three have consequences. it just depends on what you choose in the long run. choosing love, for some, may be the best thing, but for others it may be the worst thing. those who can't commit to only one, shouldn't choose at all. it ends up hurting all parties in the end, then they might turn into the cynics.
Sometimes i don't understand, why the world must be so absurdly complicated. why can't we see things like small children, in black and white, plain and simple right and wrong. adults have this saying: "nothing is what it seems." and that even applies for love. in front of crowds, the couple may look as though as they are the most loving couple ever, but you never know what happens behind closed doors. you never know what happens in their messages, their calls. you don't know if the guy is cheating on her, or if she's cheating on him. you don't know anything just by looking. and that's the worst thing.

A whole lot of crap, that i just felt should be vomitted out. I'm done now.

Love. it's something i share with you.